GameTweets from the Jungle

As you may have heard, everyone's favorite Spanish-influenced-numeral receiver recently got fined $25,000 for tweeting prior to and during a preseason game. The league has installed a Twitter rule that forbids players from tweeting 90 minutes prior to kickoff until all media interviews are concluded post-game (I didn't think league rules applied to Chad OchoCinco...?). Chad tweeted during pre-game about catching a ball from Michael Vick and tweeted during the game about a hard hit he took (from an Eagle, I may add...). Now, I understand that these tweets are extremely malicious and threatening, but really, CHILD PLEASE!

I agree that players should not be tweeting during games - If I was Carson Palmer, and I looked over and saw Chad tweeting on the sideline, I would fire a leather rocket right towards his dome, no questions asked. It was also humorous to me that they fined him $25,000 - this is nothing short of a joke. I've done the tedious calculations and I've concluded that $25,000 to OchoCinco is equal to approximately $100 to the average American. Its pocket change. And just like I predicted, OchoCinco couldn't care less about the fine. He tweeted that he was upset that the $25,000 fine cost him two month's payments on his Bugatti. Tough break, Chad, you're going to have to significantly adjust your lifestyle as a result of this fine.

If Chad, God forbid, didn't have a Bugatti car payment to worry about, these are the top 5 things I think he would have spent the $25,000 on....

5) To open a premium account on Match.com because his reality show (The Ultimate Catch) has provided him with nothing more than lust and he's just an honest man looking for true love that lasts.

4)  Money for the strip club so he can 'make it rain' alongside his new teammate, Adam 'PacMan' Jones (no, silly, all $25,000 won't be used at the club, the remaining funds will go towards PacMan's legal fees)

3) Ab implants because, although his are great, they might look inferior next to TO's when they do topless photo shoots together. And then a camera to photograph pictures of his abs so that he can frame and display these photographs around his house.

2) An automatic, limited-edition, personally engraved firearm (birthday gift for teammate, Tank Johnson).

1) A Bugatti to give to Carson Palmer in exchange for a guarantee of at least 60% of his pass attempts (and a promise of no more than 25% in the direction of #81).

Cheers (and Carson, I'm praying for you),

The Ocho